CHICAGO, IL — As the 2020 General Election Day draws close, Americans are making final preparations for purge night.
In several Democratic-controlled cities, many are anticipating riots as nightfall descends on November 3, 2020. Major brands and retail outlets from Hollywood, to New York, to Washington, DC have spent the weekend and Monday securing their business properties with plywood and other protective barricades.
“I’m really looking forward to Election Night. I’m a big fan of the Purge movies,” said Edward Salazar, a film student at Northwestern University, referring to the series of movies which portrays an America where all crime is legal for one night each year.
“I’m really looking forward to deconstructing November 3 in comparison to the hit film franchise. It will make an excellent case study and maybe I’ll get to fuck some shit up.”
Another college student, dressed in black and a hockey mask, laughed. “I mean, these barricades don’t do much. First, they’re wood. It’s flammable. And second, who’s going to be out there to stop us?”
Late last week, Walmart announced that it would be removing firearms from its stores, before reversing its decision, noting that the risks of civil disorder and looting were “geographically isolated”.
“When polls close and the purge siren sounds, that means it’s time to hit the streets and mess shit up,” said one white Chicago college student. “Midterms are this week, and, like, torching some cars would be a great way to let off some steam.”
When asked about the potential for violence, one conservative voter shrugged. “Seems kind of dumb to burn down your own neighborhood. But that’s none of my business.”