KENOSHA, Wisconsin — Three Kenosha rioters who were shot by 17-year-old Kyle Rittenhouse were shocked to find they had won stupid prizes immediately after playing stupid games.
“Over a dozen people ran after that kid carrying the AR-15 and some started attacking him. I think speak for everyone out there. I was utterly shocked when that kid turned around and started defending his life,” said one flabbergasted witness.
The events started when one rioter, Kyle Rosenbaum, angrily demanded that armed citizens, “Shoot me, nigga.”
Despite Rosenbaum’s repeated and aggressive demands, the armed citizens politely declined to shoot the sexual predator.
A short while later, Rosenbaum began chasing 17 year-old Rittenhouse. Rittenhouse ran away, but Rosenbaum threw something at Rittenhouse and cornered him between a car and a building. Rosenbaum advanced on Rittenhouse to play a game of “Try to Grab the Barrel of Someone Else’s Gun.” Rosenbaum lost in the first round.
Video evidence was uncovered of the child terrorist running away from the scene towards police officers to seek help. Shortly after, rioters chased down the armed minor, struck him in the head, knocked him to the ground, and began to beat him.
When one of the rioters tried to play “Take Someone Else’s Rifle”, he clutched his chest at having lost.
While the rioter was still celebrating his recent loss, photos showed a third rioter, armed with a handgun, putting his arms up as if to surrender. But without warning, he lunged at Rittenhouse as if to play a game of “Point Your Armed Weapon At Someone”. Rittenhouse immediately played the first shot, striking the rioter in his arm.
“Look, I just wanted to shoot him. Even though he just shot three people, I didn’t think his punk-ass would ever shoot back,” said the rioter, clutching his bloody arm.
He continued, “I mean, this just reflects the further decline of our country. If an angry mob can’t pursue a man running to the police for help? That isn’t an America I want to live in.”
The other two rioters were unavailable for comment.