PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA — North Korean puppet leader Kim Jong Un tearfully apologized to a press conference of the Worker’s Party for his failed leadership by effectively keeping COVID-19 completely out of North Korea. While COVID-19 had killed over one million people worldwide, North Korea claims to have avoided the ravages of the virus completely.
“I am so sorry for keeping our nation safe! I cry only because I love my people too much. I have failed them by not loving them enough.”
Jumping from her chair, one party member yelled, “The glorious will of our leader, Kim Jong Un, has prevailed once again! The virus has been kept in China! We are safe!”
“Kim Jung Un is too generous for all of North Korea. We would throw a great feast in his honor. If we were able.”
Kim Jung Un went on to apologize for the worsening crop shortages and growing starvation. “We are lucky that the complete and total lack of any COVID-19 cases,” Jong Un winked to the group of party insiders, “will also reduce the number of mouths to feed this winter.”
China’s foreign minister vehemently denied that the virus was present in China but commented that Kim Jong Un’s claims of zero COVID-19 cases was not credible.